Tom Lefroy Quote of the Week 37

Jane (Anne Hathaway) and Tom (James McAvoy) before the faithful moment that turned the tide

I’d like to revisit an old quote of Tom’s that Rachel has posted back in August 2010 here. This quote popped up in my mind again today when I was reflecting upon a recent dinner with an old friend.

"I do not say that we are to extinguish the affections which belong to the different relations of life; on the contrary, by the pure and sincere exercise of them, selfishness is in some degree extinguished, but the gratification arising from the most delightful of these affections should not form the stay, and hope, and prop of life. No; therein consists the excess and the abuse: but I’ll say no more on this head, lest you should tell me that nothing but my vanity could suggest the necessity of sermonizing you in this manner. I own, however, it is grounded on a conviction that the sensibility and devotedness of my darling wife’s attachment to a certain degree impair her own enjoyment. But, remember, I am not willing to part with the least atom of it to any earthly object; whatever of it ought to be pruned away, let it be transplanted to that region where we may hope and trust to enjoy it in bliss unfading."

Emphasize are my own.

Rachel et al have discussed this quote in the link above, an interesting discourse I must say. Then, coming back to my dinner, my friend has related to me her love story. Since she remains anonymous here, I feel no guilt in explaining the gist of her love story (and I sincerely hope I do not trespass her boundaries here). The gist is simple: the man and the woman love each other, but due to prior engagement, they cannot be together. They find it difficult to move on, but the woman has made up her mind to do so.

I understand her journey will not be easy, so here’s my prayer for her. She reminds me of Tom, because now I believe that Tom did love Jane Austen and Mary Paul at about the same time. God knows, loving two people at the same time is very difficult, not to mention the guilty feeling. However, I believe that Tom surpassed those turmoils. He dedicated his life and love to Mary, while at the same time kept the sweet memories with Jane in one corner of his heart. 

Was it wrong to do so? I doubt it. Certainly Tom (or my friend) did not wish to have two concurrent loves. But it happened. It still happens these days. What Tom did, and what my friend will do, is distancing himself from Jane. He did not do it out of malice. He did it out of respect, love and responsibility to Mary, and out of his love to Jane as well (at least I think he didn’t want to put Jane in trouble). It was not an easy decision to make. He did it, though. My friend is doing it now. God knows how many hearts have to do that as I write this sentence. That kind of journey is not easy. Letting go is never easy.

So here’s this quote, to those hearts out there who need to let go and move on, despite the desires to be together. May the Universe bless you in this difficult journey.