My apologies of this week’s belated quote. I had some
reflective moments on my own, and it took me some time to get the right quote
for my reflections. I eventually ended up with the discourse between Darcy and
Elizabeth Bennet in Chapter 11 of Pride and Prejudice. The following quote is
taken from Pemberley.com,
starting from Lizzy’s narrative:
``I am perfectly convinced by it
that Mr. Darcy has no defect. He owns it himself without disguise.''
``No'' -- said Darcy,
``I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I
hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. -- It is I believe too
little yielding -- certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot
forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offences
against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move
them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. -- My good opinion once lost
is lost for ever.''
``That is a failing
indeed!'' -- cried Elizabeth. ``Implacable resentment is
a shade in a character. But you have chosen your fault well.
-- I really cannot laugh at it; you are safe from
me.''
``There is, I believe, in every
disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not
even the best education can overcome.''
``And your defect is a
propensity to hate every body.''
I used to write a quote focusing on the famous ‘My good
opinion once lost is lost for ever’. But now, I want to focus on the whole
narrative above. Both Lizzy and Darcy have defects; Lizzy being wilfully
misunderstanding people, while Darcy has the inclination to lose his good
opinion forever. Everyone has defects. We try to live with them, we try to
overcome them.
But one thing made me realise last night. One of the reasons
of the different opinions or take on life between Darcy and Lizzy is because of
their different personal histories.
Certainly, Darcy being rich and Lizzy being a middle class woman owned to their
different personal histories. But personal histories are made of much more than
the money one has, or wealth one has not. Many things composed a person’s
personal history.
Now I realise that when I interact with someone, I don’t
only interact with that person. There’s a big chance that I will interact with
his or her personal history, as she/he will interact with my personal history.
My take on a topic can be different from this person’s take on a topic because
we have different journeys that took us to this point in life.
Darcy and Lizzy had different journeys that took them to
that point in life in Pemberley. All of us do. And that’s where the term ‘I
understand where you’re coming from’ came from. Not that you came from a rich
family or poor, from Europe, USA, Asia or Africa... not just that. The entire
history of a person is encapsulated in that person. At times, we will interact
not just with that person; but also with that person’s history.
And that’s where clashes can emerge. Because we often don’t
realise that our different takes on a topic can be the result of our different
personal histories.
It happened to me last night. I was having a conversation
with a friend, and then things went south because she wondered why I reacted so
strongly to a topic, while to her it’s not really a big deal. I then said
something which actually referred to the possibility that we had different
takes on this topic because of our different personal histories/backgrounds.
That time, she was the one who misunderstood me.
I am sorry that I had an argument with my friend. I will
write to her expressing my regret; explaining that we indeed can see things
differently because of different things that had happened in our lives prior to
this moment. And it’s okay to agree to disagree, without diminishing one’s own
feelings or opinions about a certain topic.
I hope I can patch things up with her.
And this is why I’m writing you this now. Because, at times,
we forget that our arguments and differences are because of the different
journeys that have taken us to this point in life. And it’s okay to own them,
while at the same time striving to overcome them as well.
This week’s quote is a shortie due to my bad internet connection (and I might have to ask Rachel to post it for me…thanks Rachel!). It also reflects my current journey to places I’ve never been before in Sumatra. I have been traveling for six days, and I won’t be home before this coming Friday. It’s the longest non-stop trip I’ve ever done in like, forever, that I found myself trepidating and stressful before the journey began. But now that I’m in Day Six, and I have ‘only’ four days to go, I find myself getting relaxed. All will be well. There will be challenges, of course, but I believe help is always on the way, as I have encountered so far.
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