Saturday, 26 June 2010

Jane Austen Quote of the Week 114

Yesterday I experienced something that made me recall this famous quote uttered by none other than Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley. Pride & Prejudice Volume 1 Chapter 11, when Darcy was confronted by Elizabeth in Netherfield (thanks to Pemberley for the direct quote):

"I have made no such pretension. I have faults enough, but they are not, I hope, of understanding. My temper I dare not vouch for. -- It is I believe too little yielding -- certainly too little for the convenience of the world. I cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offences against myself. My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be called resentful. -- My good opinion once lost is lost for ever.''

Darcy is - surprise, surprise - never my favourite Austen hero. But I can understand how his good opinion "once lost is lost for ever".

I was tempted to follow Darcy's track yesterday, as I clashed with a friend of mine over something of utterly no importance to him, but utterly important to me. The 'war' escalated yesterday afternoon until I decided that I did not have to like him, for I had tried to trust him and the trust was often violated. To my angry eyes, he had failed miserably and I could not trust nor like him anymore. The friendship to me is over; and I just have to be civil and polite to him, but minding my own business onwards.

This morning though, I talked to him (he's my housemate) and we finally reached an agreement about something very important to me and many women (household management), and he was willing to negotiate his schedule to shoulder his share in the house. We became civil again and talked a bit. War is over.

But then I also realised, I still don't have to force myself to like him. I just have to learn to live with him and his quirkiness, hoping that I won't have to bend too many of my principles in the future (his cleaning habit is not the only habit of his that disturbs me).

Is my good opinion of him lost forever? I have no idea. I am trying to make more rooms for him, giving him a second chance if you'd like to call it...for everyone does deserve a second chance. But I also understand that I deserve to own my emotions and opinions too, and although I will try to be patient and indifferent, I will also embrace my emotions wisely if they come again.

Hope you all have a peaceful and blissful weekend.

Pic: Elliot Cowan as Mr Darcy in 'Lost in Austen' (he's actually my favourite Darcy, if any!)

8 comments:

My name is Patricia said...

Love how you've connected a Pride & Prejudice line in with your real life. I think this can be applied to everyone at least once in their life. It's hard to give people a second chance, especially if we know that that second chance will more than not be wasted and go unnoticed by the person it is given to. I think Darcy's statement is a little true of everyone - we all hold prejudices and its hard to let go of them sometimes.

(P.S. I hope you don't mind but I copied this little quote into my blog, but gave you credit!!)

Nicole MacDonald said...

you never want to judge too harshly, least someone does it to you.

Icha said...

Hi Pat and Nicole, thanks a lot for the comments. True, I should not judge too harshly, but the thing is, it's been a repetitive pattern. But I've resolved to giving the said person a second chance and be civil but firm with our commitments. And just mind my own business...

Pat, no worries, and thanks for copying the quote on your blog! (golly, your blog is particularly nifty!)

Rachel said...

I think that the important message to learn Icha is not to get too stressed by 'his' actions. I know that they directly affect you but he is on his own life journey which may not be in line with your own principles but hopefully he will learn from his mistakes.
You can focus on your own journey, and through the experience of him, developing your virtues of patience and understanding. But yes, you are right, in the here and now follow what you think is right for yourself and that means not talking to him if you dont want to!

Rachel said...

Oh and thanks Patricia and Nicole for your comments.
We do definitely all hold prejudices no matter how hard we try not too.

Icha said...

Thank you Rachel dearest! That's exactly what I'm doing now. We're getting better, being civil, I mean, but I won't hope for a restored friendship etc. Not that I don't treasure friendship (I DO!), but it's just not worth my energy...

vvb32 reads said...

communication. it can be tough but once attempted it does help aleviate problems. glad to hear the war ended. ooo, me too. cowan is my fave darcy too ;-D

Icha said...

Thanks for the encouragement, vvb! And glad you like Cowan too! ;-)